No Trouble in Paradise Here
- The Creator
- Mar 11, 2019
- 7 min read
Updated: Sep 8, 2021
Why I love Odyssey's perfect Greek Tragedy
There I was- I mean, there Kassandra was, sailing towards Mykonos Island. I had a passenger on-board from a previous mission looking to reach Mykonos, but that was just a guise. I was sailing to the Silver Islands to find Kassandra's true love.
Cue sappy Hallmark film music.
From stumbling upon this game on Twitter, I knew there was some gayness a'brewing in this latest edition to the Assassin's Creed franchise. I scoured through my Twitter feed, binging videos and GIFs of the multiple in-game romances. Amiss the beautiful and deadly Greek ladies on my phone screen, one stood out. Kyra.
I bought the game and an Xbox One practically the next day.
After I plundered most of Mykonos Island and raided every bandit camp and house available, I waltzed my chiseled butt over to Porphyrion Cave to find Kyra to start the Trouble in Paradise side quest.
As per usual, I ended up going through the cave backwards and triggered a cut scene while scaling a wall to loot iron ore. Oops. Anyway, the scene started with a dagger flying towards Kassandra's face. And the owner of the dagger was none other than the rebel leader herself, Kyra. I was completely in love.
After our brief introductions, Kyra and Thatelas (Kyra's intensely stubborn Spartan lover) lead Kassandra to a Spartan camp to fend off some invading blue clad Athenians.
Now as a chaotic neutral type, I started playing this game fighting for which ever side earned me the most XP and drachmae. However, as soon as Kassandra met sweet, sweet Herodotus the Athenian historian, I immediately became a warrior of Athens...unless I was paid handsomely to execute some soldiers dressed in blue which happened more often than not.
(And siding with the Spartans who tore my family apart just seemed wrong.)
But after hearing Kyra's tragic life story of her hometown being overrun by an overpowered Athenian named Podarkes, I ditched my blues and donned a giant red foam finger. Go Sparta!
Returning to the rebel hideout cave, Kyra and Thatelas began arguing over the best way to kill Podarkes. As a faithful wife I immediately sided with Kyra's plan; which honestly was a better strategy than Thatelas's. Stealth and patience always works out better than busting in swords a' blazing. Just my opinion. Plus, Thatelas's over exaggerated hoo-rah masculinity was a big turn off.
This decision set Kassandra on a path for ultimate romance with a series of several quests given by Kyra. The first quest, Kyra With a Cause, upon completion offered the first chance for some steamy flirtation. After burning some supplies to deplete the morale of Podarkes soldiers, Kassandra finds some wine in a nearby tomb. When returning to Kyra, the gifted wine doesn't fail to impress the mighty rebel leader and prompts this conversation:
Kyra: And what will Kassandra do once this [the rebellion] is over?
Kassandra: We have a lot in common. I was hoping when the smoke clears, we could find somewhere quiet.
Kyra: And what exactly do we have in common?
Kassandra (with shuffling feet and awkward hand gestures): I just...We...I just thought that's what people said to each other. I wasn't expecting a follow up.
Kyra: The mighty Kassandra, caught off her guard! Relax. A moment together would be nice.
Line. Hook. And sinker! This exchange made this in-game romance stand out from the others. I was pleasantly surprised with this different side of Kassandra the Casanova. The shyness she displayed truly showed that this flirtation-ship with Kyra meant more to her than her other post-combat flings.
Kassandra is officially a bottom for Kyra. I love it.
The next Kyra quest, Bleeding Hearts and Stolen Money, showcased Kassandra's lighthearted side. The cut scene began with the duo giggling over a joke. Even Praxos, one of Kyra's men, can see the pair's cheesy chemistry. Kassandra tells Kyra that she's happy to see her. Kyra responds by saying they can win this rebellion if they are "side by side."
After completing the mission, Kassandra returns to Kyra. Upon hearing the good news of weakening the Athenian forces, Kyra exclaims "I could kiss you!"At this point Kassandra invites her to do so. Kyra states she wishes Kassandra came to the island before she met Thaletas.
Until this point, I was kind of hoping Thaletas was Kyra's stubborn coworker, as there was no explicitly romantic interactions between the two. However, becoming a homewrecker only fueled the delicious complicity of the plot. I was loving every single second of it. Forbidden lover tales always send a tingle to my heart. Especially as this one seems to create an allegory about sexual orientation.
The last Kyra quest, Goddess of the Hunt, is where this sapphic romance reaches it's climax...quite literally. Kassandra meets Kyra at the Alter of Artemis where some classic warrior woman flirting occurs.
Kyra asks Kassandra to accompany her in hunting ibex just to simply spend time together. This is the first time playing the game where I was assigned a simple activity rather than a mission to destroy red or blue forces. The quest was an escape for the two women to ignore the barriers hindering their relationship from blossoming. It was like watching two love struck teenagers intricately dance around their feelings.
I end up basically missing every ibex I tried to bow down with how sweaty and shaky my hands were from the pure bliss of experiencing this young love. No joke. I really did. Thank god for Ikaros who ended up killing 2/3 of the ibex I was supposed to take.
After killing the last ibex, Kassandra and Kyra engage in a conversation about the mutual feelings between them. Kyra admits that she wants to act upon her feelings even though she shouldn't. She also admitted that she didn't love Thaletas like she previously did.
Even though my feathered friend killed most of the ibexes, Kyra still seemed impressed with my hunting skills and invited me to share the night at a quiet spot on the beach.
And of course I said yes!
The beach scene is the climax of Kassandra and Kyra's epic romance and one of the most important interactions between the two. Not only are kisses shared and intimate scenes initiated, but true emotions and motives are expressed between the two.
Way better than any rom-com I've ever seen.
One aspect that makes this in-game romance the best are the similarities Kassandra and Kyra share. While on the beach, they sit by the fire and tell secrets and stories that uncover the traits the two women share. They both grew up in unfortunate situations without family and both struggle with revenge and taking down their oppressors. The relation sparks a true trust between Kassandra and Kyra. All of Kassandra's life, the people around her have only wanted to use her, not love or care for her. Finally, she's found someone who can provide a safe haven in these troubling times. Even if it's under unfortunate circumstances.
But, every relationship has its hardships. Especially in Greek tragedies.
After raiding Podarkes leader house, killing him deader than an Athenian door knob and looting his house for all its worth, I found an item that completed a side quest in relation to Kyra. The wooden doll Kassandra found revealed Podarkes as Kyra's father, missing from Kyra's abandoned childhood home.
Time to tell Kyra.
I was very afraid to tell Kyra the identity of her father. After Kassandra found her love in the rebel caves, Kyra seemed to be in high spirits. Kassandra reveals the wooden doll and Kyra becomes enraged with despair and threatens to kill Kassandra where she stands. This proves to be an empty promise as Kyra paces and questions her life. Kassandra wants to stay but Kyra dismisses her and tells her she needs some time to think.
Like the beach scene, this was also a very powerful scene to build their relationship and further create this tragic tale. You can tell Kyra is a complex character, She's happy that Podarkes is dead, but also mourns at losing her father; though she never knew him as such. The mourning doesn't stop here.
Kassandra exhausts her time on Mykonos and it comes time to say goodbye.
Up on a cliff near the sea, Kyra's father is placed on a funeral pyre with Kyra as the only witness. Kassandra joins the private ceremony and offers her condolences and a bit of drachmae for the ferryman. Kassandra and Kyra have another heart felt talk; one of finding new purposes in life and leaving the dead behind. This conversation doesn't bring back the flirty tempo the duo had, but it makes them cordial again.
When Kassandra finds Thaletas on the beach to say goodbye, the Spartan man becomes enraged by his stolen glory and stolen woman. He gives Kassandra no time to react and immediately draws his sword. Kassandra has no choice but to kill Kyra's lover.
Good. I didn't like him anyway.
But you can't hide a murder. When Kassandra joins Kyra in the celebration of winning the rebellion, she tells Kyra that Thaletas attacked her due to their affair. Kyra is of course understandably distraught and questions why Thelatas would do such a thing. However her anger quickly turns on to Kassandra. Kyra is outraged that she killed him, even when Kassandra explains she didn't have a choice. Kyra ends the conversation expressing her disappointment.
And the relationship ends.
At the end, I was heartbroken by the conclusion of this story arc. However, I appreciated the story line, characters and the overall bittersweet satisfaction.
Kassandra, a lonely misthos met Kyra by doing what she does best, killing. Kassandra transformed from a calculated misthios into a lighthearted and happy woman when she was with Kyra. She learned to love and trust, only to have her romance crash and burn when Kassandra did what she did best- her job.
Kassandra came out of the relationship like she went in; killing.
When I sailed to Mykonos, I was expecting cute warrior women and light romance. Instead I received a classic tragedy with miscommunication and high strung emotions. This romance made the love I have for the game grow in tenfold.
Now I guess it's time to move on and find another island to plunder and another woman to sweep off her feet.
Disclaimer: My experience with this romance was based on the in game decisions in objectives and conversation choices. Players may experience different stories and outcomes based on the decisions they make.
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